WARNING: THIS CONTENT MAY BE PAINFULLY HONEST AND TOO BLUNT FOR SOME.
The friend zone is something I've noticed that men have a low tolerance for and become very sensitive about once they realize they're in the friends zone for good. Maybe its because men think about sex more than women and immediately think about what it would be like to have sex with every girl (of age) they meet, and can't fathom, why women don't do the same when it comes to men. There have been plenty of times when I've met a guy, and upon first introduction, I'm not thinking about what you would look like naked or how big your penis is. I'm not contemplating what type of boyfriend you'd make or if you'd ever date me. My ultimate goal is not to fuck you. Even if you are good looking and have great qualities, I'm still not considering having sex with you or dating you, and I'm sure there's plenty of other women who would say the same. This is coming from a woman who has a lot more male friends than female. I've dated some of my male friends in the past, but kept other's strictly in the friends zone. I have spent SO much time listening to my guy friends talk about their hook-ups, break ups, relationships, one night stands, graphic sexual encounters, etc, etc. All their conversations about these scenarios were very interesting and enlightening to me as a woman. I'm grateful for how much my guys have informed me of when it comes to the whole what-men-think-of-women thing and why they treat them the way that they do....
But over the many years of me dating or being single, almost every time I make a new guy friend I feel the "are you going to have sex with me/date me/let me hit that?" vibe SO strongly. Honestly, some guys are so obvious about it that it makes me so uncomfortable to the point where I will, and have, stop talking to them completely. Guys, just because a girl hangs out with you and likes to talk to you and appreciates your company DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO DATE YOU OR DO YOU! I know, seems crazy to you because you're a guy. You probably think, ok she hangs out with me and laughs at my jokes, we text, we're friends on Facebook, so she wants me more than a friend. That's seriously the vibe I get from guys, and yeah I guess I can't blame you too much for thinking that because a girl is showing interest. However, interest doesn't equal sex! Remember this PLEASE!!! I meet really cool ass dudes that I will talk to frequently and make plans to hang out with, but I don't want them in my bed! I don't want to date them, I don't want to do them, I don't fantasize about them, and here's why:
1. You are not attractive to ME (that doesn't mean I think you're ugly by any means, I just don't feel any physical chemistry or attraction in the looks department).
2. I find you very attractive, yet I just can't imagine...or want to imagine...sleeping with you or dating you. You come off (to me) as asexual. Not your fault.
3. You have automatically registered in my brain as 100% friend material. There's nothing I can do to control this. If my brain reads you as "friend" then that's what you'll remain. If my brain reads you as "friend, but has qualities that could be good for dating," then I will make a move at some point, till then, please remain friendly...emphasis on the friend part.
4. You've proven to be a good friend thus far and if we were to date or hook up, that may ruin the friendship, and as corny as it sounds, I'd rather keep the friendship solid.
5. Your friends are just as awesome as you. If you're a guy, with kick ass friends, and we end up dating or hooking up and things go down hill--then there will be no more fun times spent with you and your boys.
6. You're a good wingman! This should be a really positive thing to know if you're not happy with friend zone status because if you're a good wingman to me then I'll hook you up with pretty females I know. If we have fun together when we're out 'n about and draw a crowd of cool people then we are remaining as friends and wingman+woman.
7. You're just not my type. Its that simple. You may be a great catch but you don't pull on my heart strings or intrigue me.
8. You're cuddle-buddy material. Let me explain this for all women who feel the same as I do about cuddle buddies....we just want a cute cuddly boy to be affectionate with when we're single and affection-deprived. Not a friend with benefits, not a sex friend, just a cuddle buddy. Someone to go out with and be playful with but without the sex part. Guys, I know the majority of you aren't believing this or do not want to believe this because most people think cuddling always leads to sex.
9. You wrongfully assumed you were an option for me just because I smiled at you or gave you my number. I do pick up on this vibe and when I do, I put thee in thy friends zone immediately.
10. You're not a threatening male figure, and I don't mean threatening as in aggressive, I just mean you appear nice and don't compete with guys that I'm actually interested in. In my past relationships, certain guy friends of mine did not bother the guy I was dating, which is what I mean by you being not threatening. You don't come off as a guy that would try anything and other guys would feel comfortable letting you hang out with their girl. When a girl knows this, you'll definitely be spending a lot of friend zone time together because you don't bother our objects...umm...men of affection.
So I hope this helps some guys understand why they get hit with the friend zone. There's nothing more uncomfortable than knowing that your guy pal hates the fact that he's in the friend zone and will try anything to get out of the friend zone. Its really awkward, obvious, rude and sleazy. You KNOW you're in the friend zone yet you still try and drop hints, please. Even worse is when I have a great guy friend and he gives me attitude or doesn't want to hang out as much once he realizes he is in the friend zone and has been from the start. Why do you have to get so snappy just because ONE girl doesn't want you? I'll gladly hook you up with another female if you're that miserable about being single, just please don't make our friendship suck. Biggest piece of advice I can tell you friend zone boys: DON'T continue to hit on a girl that's a friend of your's who doesn't mirror your romantic hints. If she's not leaving classic clues that 100% confirm she likes you, you're not only going to keep getting denied or given the cold shoulder, but you may just be dropped completely, not even in the friend zone. For example, if you make passes at her or do small simple things like touch her shoulder or arm when talking, and she doesn't do the same thing back to you, DO NOT continue, you ARE in the friend zone, stay put. That's SUCH an uncomfortable situation for the girl, trust me, it happens to me way too often and kinda creeps me out when the guy keeps trying yet I've given you NO reason or hints to even attempt such moves on me.
If a girl wants you out of the friends zone and all to herself as her man, YOU WILL KNOW. Direct physical contact will be made. Hints will be strong. Awkwardness will subside. If you and a girl once were in a relationship, and you are now past the point of the after-break-up-stage-moved-into-just friends-stage, then leave it at that. There's a reason you're still just friends after a break up. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that girls and guys can just be friends, its totally possible. If you go on an actual date with a girl who has yet to decide whether or not she wants you as a friend or more, and it turns out she just wants you as a friend after all, don't keep pursuing her, you'll only become a nusense and possibly scare her off for good.
I really hope this entry penetrates the thick skulls of the men in this world who are delusional and think they deserve more than the friend zone. I'm sick of guys who can't take a fucking hint and who are offended when I just want them as a friend--I think I speak for all woman when I say this. Don't be offended when a girl wants you as a friend, please, there's nothing offensive about it when you go through all the reasons why she'd keep you in the friends zone. Mama Virgo has been single for a very long time and can't tolerate anymore guys trying to break free from the friend zone with horrible attempts. It sincerely baffles me to no end when some of my guy friends, or new guys I meet, act as if they're a great catch and think they know what I want in a guy and try to pursue me when I've shown NO interest outside the friend zone.
Thanks for reading and respect your female friends!
*I may come back to this entry in the future with more information about the friend zone if I feel it necessary to further educate the minds of clueless men.*
If this was public information years ago it would have made so many men's lives so much easier.
ReplyDeleteAmen to ALL of that. YES.
ReplyDeleteAw sorry Scribe816 wish I got this info to men years ago too! At least its here now, better late than never! ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha
ReplyDeleteLoved all of it! But I'm currently realizing I'm having a recurrent problem where I friend-zone guys and then after them being friends for a few years they suddenly decide to try and break free. For some I might let them just because I may be sex deprived but they seem to fail to realize that even if I'm sleeping with them there's a great chance it will never develop into a relationship because they were friend zoned for far too long. I know too much of their flaws to want to take them seriously.
ReplyDeleteJust cuddle-buddy material :)
ReplyDeleteSeem many girl have an hard time believing this too when gender are switched.
No need to freak out.
Indeed there are men out there who are not interested having sex with you.
When women only want friendship its the same feeling as when a guy only wants sex. No complete interest. Just parts of it.
ReplyDeleteHello Virgi Mama I recently became interested in a Virgo women,when we meet Sheila's in tge process of going through a divorce.Dhe informated me that Every encounter is not ment to be romantic . I respected that. WE HAVE WENT TO DINNER AND LUNCH MANY TIMES HoWEVER I LIVE IN A DIFFERENT STATE .but we text each other everyday . I have developed some feelings for her. Eventnough im in the freindzone. After a while I told her how I felt about her and she told me she didn't feel the same way . I was not mad just a little disappointed. But life goes on. We have similar interests and if I ask her for help with writing something or critiquing something she always help. We have been talking since march 14th 2020 ,I didn't feel a physical attraction to her but im crazy about her and she knows it. I told her I was coming to town which I do monthly and her response was we'll have to plan something. I was kinda confused with the we word . BUT I lol here and said ok . We have only hinged when seeing each other and everytime I see her I like her more and more. I recently told her to forgive me for stepping out the freind zone and expressing my feelings to her. SHE didn't say anything ,she just got silent fir a day. She has even went so fair as to send zodiac things tgat say we are incompatibility, ad acted like she didn't know my sign obviously she did. I try and stop communicating with her but she iy doesn't last longer than a day. She doesn't discuss other guys with me since her divorce. I'm just going to remain her freind but I find it hard to not fall fir her. You can contact me at darrell.hersey@herseyfilmsentertainment.com
ReplyDelete