Why men end up in the *friends zone*

WARNING: THIS CONTENT MAY BE PAINFULLY HONEST AND TOO BLUNT FOR SOME. 

Guys, don't be too down about what I'm about to tell you if you're in the friends zone. Remember, you WILL find a girl that won't put you in the friends zone and that WILL be either a great friend with benefits or become your girlfriend. There are ALWAYS other fish in the sea, don't let one girl get the best of you! That being said, the following reasons why you're in the friends zone are based on reasons why I have personally kept certain guys in the friends zone and reasons why my girl friends have told me they keep their guy friends in the friend zone. I'm not the type of girl who is always in a relationship or always has a guy in her life, I'm very independent and have spent a LOT of my life single (because I'm picky) so I've had plenty of experience observing why guys end up in the friend zone.

The friend zone is something I've noticed that men have a low tolerance for and become very sensitive about once they realize they're in the friends zone for good. Maybe its because men think about sex more than women and immediately think about what it would be like to have sex with every girl (of age) they meet, and can't fathom, why women don't do the same when it comes to men. There have been plenty of times when I've met a guy, and upon first introduction, I'm not thinking about what you would look like naked or how big your penis is. I'm not contemplating what type of boyfriend you'd make or if you'd ever date me. My ultimate goal is not to fuck you. Even if you are good looking and have great qualities, I'm still not considering having sex with you or dating you, and I'm sure there's plenty of other women who would say the same. This is coming from a woman who has a lot more male friends than female. I've dated some of my male friends in the past, but kept other's strictly in the friends zone. I have spent SO much time listening to my guy friends talk about their hook-ups, break ups, relationships, one night stands, graphic sexual encounters, etc, etc. All their conversations about these scenarios were very interesting and enlightening to me as a woman. I'm grateful for how much my guys have informed me of when it comes to the whole what-men-think-of-women thing and why they treat them the way that they do....
But over the many years of me dating or being single, almost every time I make a new guy friend I feel the "are you going to have sex with me/date me/let me hit that?" vibe SO strongly. Honestly, some guys are so obvious about it that it makes me so uncomfortable to the point where I will, and have, stop talking to them completely. Guys, just because a girl hangs out with you and likes to talk to you and appreciates your company DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO DATE YOU OR DO YOU! I know, seems crazy to you because you're a guy. You probably think, ok she hangs out with me and laughs at my jokes, we text, we're friends on Facebook, so she wants me more than a friend. That's seriously the vibe I get from guys, and yeah I guess I can't blame you too much for thinking that because a girl is showing interest. However, interest doesn't equal sex! Remember this PLEASE!!! I meet really cool ass dudes that I will talk to frequently and make plans to hang out with, but I don't want them in my bed! I don't want to date them, I don't want to do them, I don't fantasize about them, and here's why:

1. You are not attractive to ME (that doesn't mean I think you're ugly by any means, I just don't feel any physical chemistry or attraction in the looks department).

2. I find you very attractive, yet I just can't imagine...or want to imagine...sleeping with you or dating you. You come off (to me) as asexual. Not your fault.

3. You have automatically registered in my brain as 100% friend material. There's nothing I can do to control this. If my brain reads you as "friend" then that's what you'll remain. If my brain reads you as "friend, but has qualities that could be good for dating," then I will make a move at some point, till then, please remain friendly...emphasis on the friend part.

4. You've proven to be a good friend thus far and if we were to date or hook up, that may ruin the friendship, and as corny as it sounds, I'd rather keep the friendship solid.

5. Your friends are just as awesome as you. If you're a guy, with kick ass friends, and we end up dating or hooking up and things go down hill--then there will be no more fun times spent with you and your boys.

6. You're a good wingman! This should be a really positive thing to know if you're not happy with friend zone status because if you're a good wingman to me then I'll hook you up with pretty females I know. If we have fun together when we're out 'n about and draw a crowd of cool people then we are remaining as friends and wingman+woman.

7. You're just not my type. Its that simple. You may be a great catch but you don't pull on my heart strings or intrigue me.

8. You're cuddle-buddy material. Let me explain this for all women who feel the same as I do about cuddle buddies....we just want a cute cuddly boy to be affectionate with when we're single and affection-deprived. Not a friend with benefits, not a sex friend, just a cuddle buddy. Someone to go out with and be playful with but without the sex part. Guys, I know the majority of you aren't believing this or do not want to believe this because most people think cuddling always leads to sex.

9. You wrongfully assumed you were an option for me just because I smiled at you or gave you my number. I do pick up on this vibe and when I do, I put thee in thy friends zone immediately.

10. You're not a threatening male figure, and I don't mean threatening as in aggressive, I just mean you appear nice and don't compete with guys that I'm actually interested in. In my past relationships, certain guy friends of mine did not bother the guy I was dating, which is what I mean by you being not threatening. You don't come off as a guy that would try anything and other guys would feel comfortable letting you hang out with their girl. When a girl knows this, you'll definitely be spending a lot of friend zone time together because you don't bother our objects...umm...men of affection.

So I hope this helps some guys understand why they get hit with the friend zone. There's nothing more uncomfortable than knowing that your guy pal hates the fact that he's in the friend zone and will try anything to get out of the friend zone. Its really awkward, obvious, rude and sleazy. You KNOW you're in the friend zone yet you still try and drop hints, please. Even worse is when I have a great guy friend and he gives me attitude or doesn't want to hang out as much once he realizes he is in the friend zone and has been from the start. Why do you have to get so snappy just because ONE girl doesn't want you? I'll gladly hook you up with another female if you're that miserable about being single, just please don't make our friendship suck. Biggest piece of advice I can tell you friend zone boys: DON'T continue to hit on a girl that's a friend of your's who doesn't mirror your romantic hints. If she's not leaving classic clues that 100% confirm she likes you, you're not only going to keep getting denied or given the cold shoulder, but you may just be dropped completely, not even in the friend zone. For example, if you make passes at her or do small simple things like touch her shoulder or arm when talking, and she doesn't do the same thing back to you, DO NOT continue, you ARE in the friend zone, stay put. That's SUCH an uncomfortable situation for the girl, trust me, it happens to me way too often and kinda creeps me out when the guy keeps trying yet I've given you NO reason or hints to even attempt such moves on me.

If a girl wants you out of the friends zone and all to herself as her man, YOU WILL KNOW. Direct physical contact will be made. Hints will be strong. Awkwardness will subside. If you and a girl once were in a relationship, and you are now past the point of the after-break-up-stage-moved-into-just friends-stage, then leave it at that. There's a reason you're still just friends after a break up. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that girls and guys can just be friends, its totally possible. If you go on an actual date with a girl who has yet to decide whether or not she wants you as a friend or more, and it turns out she just wants you as a friend after all, don't keep pursuing her, you'll only become a nusense and possibly scare her off for good.

I really hope this entry penetrates the thick skulls of the men in this world who are delusional and think they deserve more than the friend zone. I'm sick of guys who can't take a fucking hint and who are offended when I just want them as a friend--I think I speak for all woman when I say this. Don't be offended when a girl wants you as a friend, please, there's nothing offensive about it when you go through all the reasons why she'd keep you in the friends zone. Mama Virgo has been single for a very long time and can't tolerate anymore guys trying to break free from the friend zone with horrible attempts. It sincerely baffles me to no end when some of my guy friends, or new guys I meet, act as if they're a great catch and think they know what I want in a guy and try to pursue me when I've shown NO interest outside the friend zone.
 Thanks for reading and respect your female friends!

*I may come back to this entry in the future with more information about the friend zone if I feel it necessary to further educate the minds of clueless men.*

January Virgo of the Month: Paulo Coelho

My first entry for my newest blog topic: *Virgo of the Month!* I've been thinking about doing this each month for a while and now that its a new year, its the perfect time to start this new Mama Virgo blog tradition. I decided the world famous best seller Brazilian *Virgo* author, Paulo Coelho, should have the honor of being my first *Virgo of the Month* because he's a writer, which is a major Virgo quality and is something Virgo's are well-known for. Paulo's birthday is August 24th 1947. He recently released his new 2011 agenda titled Wisdom, which I of course had to get and love it! I write in it everyday. Side note: I just realized he was a Virgo last week, don't ask why it took me so long to notice that, I should of informed myself of his star sign years ago. It makes total sense that he's a Virgo and gives him huge bonus points in my book ;)

I was first introduced to Paulo's work in 2005. My son's father gave me a copy of one of Paulo's best sellers, The Alchemist for my birthday because I had previously kept borrowing his copy of it and read it constantly.   That book truly altered my way of thinking and had a profound impact on me. For those of you who have read it, or any of his other books, you know what I mean. Personally, his words make more sense to me than the bible (not to get offensive towards Christianity, I myself am). Since then I've read Brida, Veronika Decides to Die, The Devil and Miss Prym, and The Witch of Portobello.  I'm no where near done reading the rest of his books but they're all SO GOOD! Every book is like entering a world of characters that are more interesting than real friends (I'm an oddball, I know). Every time I read one of his books, I'd either highlight every other sentence or write down in a note book all my favorite parts (I did this with most of the books because I borrowed them from the library and couldn't highlight)--his work is that good. Just knowing that I have sections of his books written down in my notebook makes me feel better about life because when I'm feeling down I can just go back and read them. When I'm down is when I turn to Paulo's words for comfort. I don't want to make this blog in to a book review so I'm not going in depth about the contents of his books.

If I had the opportunity to meet anyone famous in the world, and I mean ANYONE, it would be Paulo Coelho, no question or hesitation or need to even consider someone else. Not even Marshall Mathers over Paulo Coelho, and I'm a MAJOR Eminem fan (Sorry Em). I follow Paulo on Facebook, Twitter, his website and his blog. Every thing he writes is golden. Everything he says about life's challenges and everyday issues is like the most spiritually awaken words ever written. No matter what your issue is, Paulo has an explanation for it, and how to deal with it. His words are so universal. I can't comprehend how someone like him exists peacefully in a world like this. Call me crazy but I think he's magical. When I logged in to Facebook today I saw that he added another blog entry titled "Parents and Children," a topic I'm all too familiar with. After reading it, I started writing this blog entry. In that entry he talks about how his parents wanted him to give up his dreams of becoming a writer and just take the "normal" road. I struggle with the same thing, as I'm sure most of us do, with my parents. They don't believe in my dreams and goals with modeling and are always nit picking about how I should get a "government job" or some other job that has nothing to do with what I'm about. That kind of stuff pulls you away from your life's path if you let your parents wishes influence your decisions for yourself and what you truly want. Its not about what they want for you and it never should be. Paulo has helped me deal with this issue and has given me the motivation to keep going after what I want in life.

Paulo Coelho as a person is extremely interesting and unique. We have eerily similar adolescent experiences that make me feel closer to him when I read his stories, blogs and quotes. I suggest to anyone that feels lost or unhappy with their lives--read his work and you will feel less alone in the world. Paulo inspires like no other and every thing he says is genius. I'll be honest, I am depressed and have been struggling with that for over 10 years now. Once I found out about Paulo Coelho and started reading his work, he really became a solid source of happiness and comfort for me.

Today, January 24th in his Wisdom Agenda 2011, the quote at the bottom of the page (there's one for each page in the agenda) is "The angel is always protecting us, and that is a divine gift, there is no need to invoke him. The face of your angel is always visible when you see the world through the eyes of beauty"--excerpt from his book The Pilgrimage. 


If you're not familiar with his work, never heard of Paulo or read anything written by him, here's some classic Paulo quotes for ya :) If you know me then you've probably seen me quote these on my Facebook and Twitter from time to time:

"Don't complain because our scars are our medals. But hit back whenever its possible, because we are not saints."

"When you go after what is important for you in life, don't take no for an answer"

"Things pass, and the best we can do is to really let them go away"

"If you must say yes, say it with an open heart. If you must say no, say it without fear."

and last but not least..."dreamers cannot be tamed." ;)

Paulo Coelho's website
Paulo Coelho's blog
Paulo Colho's facebook
Paulo Coelho's twitter

For my future *Virgo of the Month* awards I'd like to have a graphic designed for those entries to display next to each Virgo. If anyone out there is a graphic designer and can help me out with that please leave me a comment so we can discuss :)

No *sign* of a Leo here...

Ok, ok, ok. I've read just about every article, every Facebook and Twitter update, regarding this zodiac "change." I'm always a target when it comes to zodiac-related subjects because I wear my Virgo identity on my sleeve and every body knows I'm all about Virgo-ness every second of the day--so when I got the first text message in my phone today telling me I'm a LEO, I knew this was only the beginning of SHIT I'd be hearing for a long time about Mama Virgo not being a Virgo. Within a matter of 10 minutes my phone and Facebook was blowing up with messages. I think people are truly getting off on the fact that some Virgo's could be considered Leo's now and they'll be shoving this in my face for a while. Newsflash: I was born in 1987 so the zodiac change doesn't apply to me or anyone born before 2011.

I AM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, A VIRGO. I'M NOT IDENTIFYING OR ACCEPTING THIS SHITTY NEW LEO "IDENTITY." I WILL TAKE MENTAL POINTS OFF YOU AS A FRIEND IF YOU REFER TO ME AS A LEO OR QUESTION MY VIRGONESS.

That's not meant to sound bitchy or come off as some brat that's trying to get you to stop with the Leo shit, but I'm already seriously annoyed with people who have called me a Leo. It just irritates me that people could be so foolish especially during a time when I'm building up the Mama Virgo brand. Just don't call me a Leo, please, I want to keep you in my mind as a cool person not as the person who called me a Leo.

Let me just put it all out there, my dislike for Leo's is deeply rooted and tied to a particular Leo family member. That's where my dislike for the fire sign originated. Growing up with a Leo taught me all the ways in which we are entirely separate people that live on polar opposite wave lengths that will never meet in the middle. I'm beyond baffled by the way Leo's do things (and some other signs as well). I don't "hate" all Leo's, I'm actually very good friends with a few of them and like them a lot for who they are as people. One of my cousin's is a Leo and she's one of the coolest people EVER. However, that being said, the majority of Leo's I meet turn me off before I even know they're Leo's. Its like some subconscious signal is set off inside my head that's like...nah...I can't vibe with this person at all. Then I find out they're Leo's...and it all makes sense. They're fire, I'm Earth. Black and white. Like water and oil. Plain and simple. WE DON'T MIX. This subconscious zodiac signal only goes off when I meet Leo's or Scorpio's. I can smell 'em a mile away and know their traits like the back of my hand. Other signs don't give me the same warning as those two do.

I've been wanting to blog about why being a Virgo is so important to me for a while now, and today just gives me a great reason to explain where the Virgo astrology obsession started. Ever since I could remember I've known I was a Virgo. I didn't know growing up that I was the quintessential Virgo or that there was a term for my being, I just knew there was a huge difference in my personality traits, behavior, habits...the way I did things...that was totally different than my family, which doesn't consist of any other Virgo's except for my Grandpa whose birthday is a day before mine :-) We always celebrated our birthday together as Virgo's. My Mom has always been into astrology and passed it on to my sister's and I. She didn't force it on us or anything but it was more prominent in my family than other's from what I observed. I started asking her for astrology books at an early age, reading horoscopes (not just mine but all the other signs as well), hanging out in the astrology section of the book store and learning as much as I could about it. I would silently study everyone in my life and then read up on their astrology signs later. To this day, the personalities I've studied and compared to zodiac signs are perfect matches. Some with zodiac traits stronger than other's of course.

My favorite thing to read up on is about people who dislike astrology and think its a joke. Travolta, my Dad, for example thinks the concept of astrology is hilarious and phony. Come to find out, he's the ultimate Cancer! If anything could explain my father's unique personality and behavior (and I use the word unique because its the least offensive word I can think of to describe such a misunderstood man) it was the zodiac's description of Cancer. He still gets annoyed when I bring up anything astrology related but I do it anyway because its so on point about him :-)

Once I fully realized that my habits, likes, dislikes, physical appearance and health, traits, style, way of thinking, matched the way of the Virgo 150 million percent, I was sold and felt less alone in the world. Just to be sure I would read and study other signs to see if I had any relation to them at all...and guess who was the furthest away from my personality? HUMM? LEO? Yeah, you, Leo, you're no where near Virgo when it comes to how Virgo's function. Obviously I have great traits in common with my fellow Earth signs Taurus and Capricorn :-) Whenever I meet someone new in my life, and we vibe really well as if we're the same person, you bet your zodiac-disbelieving ass those new people are either a Taurus, Capricorn, or Virgo ;-) It NEVER fails. My closest friends end up being Earth signs and that's for a reason! We're cut from the same mold, not FIRE, not AIR, not WATER, but EARTH. When I met Baby Virgo the connection was instant. I didn't know for a fact that she was a Virgo with the same birthday as I until a month later, but before we showed one another our ID's, we both had a subconscious feeling inside hinting that we're Virgo soul mates.

Virgo's can always detect other Virgo's. I've been out in the most random of locations and met other Virgo's who automatically pick up on the fact that I'm a Virgo as well. We're always elated when we discover we're Virgo's and a type of love and respect emits like no other. It may sound corny to those of you who aren't Virgo's or haven't experienced something similar with your own fellow zodiac signs, but its true and its real. For someone to just tell me out of no where that Virgo's are now considered Leo's is literally like taking a knife to my heart and soul and shredding it. That's like replacing my brain, personality, habits...everything...with an entirely new identity. If I were to accept Leo as my star sign I should get a sex change and just become a man because that's how drastic of a change it would be for me to accept the Leo identity. I only recently discovered that my moon sign is Gemini, which I'm content with, Gemini's aren't my favs on the zodiac ladder (no offense) but they're still really awesome and my son's a Gemini so I can't dislike. Finding out my moon sign provided me with enough new zodiac info to research for the next couple of years. I just began researching how the Gemini moon relates to me as a person. Now to hear about this whole zodiac switch these scientists just pulled on all of us was way too much for Mama Virgo's soul to take.

I know some people think I'm silly for being such a deep believer in the zodiac. I've heard the backlash all my life. Then again, I know just as many, if not more, people who believe just as deeply as I do in the zodiac so I know I'm not alone in my fascination :-) I also would like to add that I do not consider myself to be on a higher level just because I'm a Virgo. I don't just talk about Virgo stuff all the time to annoy other's or brag about how amazing Virgo's are. I do it because I live it. I can't stop talking about it, living it, breathing it, feeling it in my everyday motions and experiences and schedule--that's why its SO prominent in my being. I'm just as interested in other star signs as I am my own. I read all of your horoscopes all the time. I research all your traits. I read my own horoscope either at the end of the night or the next day to test it...to see if what it said was true or related to my day in any way. I'd say 97% of the time its correct about my day. Then I read a few other horoscopes to see if they could match with mine and what I did that day, and no surprise here, they don't add up to Virgo. Also, I do not plan my life around what my horoscopes say, I do not look to as a fortune teller or the end-all be-all of explanations. I create my own destiny, I decide my own path, I like people based on who they are not just their astrology sign.

Sometimes for fucks sake I won't ask a new friend their zodiac sign, I'll just study them for a little while and take mental notes, then after some time I'll ask them what their sign is and I end up being right about my suspicions all along. There are some random ass people that throw me for a loop though and catch me off guard. I've actually met 4 Leo's that do NOT come off as Leo's at all which is shocking because Leo's have such strong personalities. I've also met Virgo's who don't act very Virgo-like or show the known physical attributes of a Virgo--this is rare though. There's always exceptions, this I know and am fully aware of just in case you think I'm certified looney tunes after reading this blog entry. Now that my whole day has been disrupted, which Virgo's do not handle well, I have to reconfigure my mood and put myself back on track, not  an easy task for Mama Virgo. I was having a good day, I had a bunch of things I wanted to get done, new blog entries to work on, ideas to bring to life, and all of this hasn't been accomplished yet because of the zodiac "switch" news. One of my biggest pet peeves-having my plans for the day thrown off course and pushed aside.

I'll end this entry with a Virgo fact: "Virgo exist in the mind, everything inside...they live in their minds not in their emotions and feelings. Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign."

MAMA VIRGO FOREVER.

A Virgo NYE

Its 2011!!!! Mama Virgo is actually kind of sad that its no longer 2010 because 2010 was hands down one of the most amazing life-changing years of my life-meaning 2011 has to top 2010 so there's some serious competition in that department. I had a lot of "firsts" in 2010 (losing my virginity wasn't one of them...). To recap my firsts brings nostalgia to my soul. Starting with really exploring NYC on my own, that was huge, I've been going to the city since birth but for some reason never pushed myself to just take advantage of the sites on my own and learn the roads. I also went to the beach as much as humanly possible this past summer and for the first time, left for the beach WAY before dawn with one of my good girlfriends. We got to Robert Moses beach in Long Island as the sun was rising, set up camp, fell asleep on the beach, and woke up around 10AM to the ocean and immediately went swimming. I'll never forget that day. I'm a beach fiend and would rather swim in the ocean than a pool so that was a very special day.
I made a ton of new friends and connections in 2010 that I never would of seen coming back in 2009. Mama Virgo truly came alive in 2010 and spread her *social butterfly* wings to the extreme (I hate the term social butterfly being that I'm an introvert). 2010 was like the year of women for me. I made friends with a lot of cool chicks and hung out with them more than I did my guy friends. It was a much needed change to my life because I've been like one of the guys for so long that I really lost faith in the fact that women could be real. Hanging out with mostly females for a year was awesome. I finally got to do all the girly shit I used to see my sisters do with their friends. I'm happy to say the friends I made in 2010 have become, what I consider, parts of my "circle" (I don't actually have a circle of friends, everyone split up or moved away or don't get along, so the term circle doesn't mean circle...confused?).
Of course another huge part of 2010 was meeting Baby Virgo in the city at one of the clubs we used to work at. Baby Virgo changed my life and vise versa. She's the ultimate female friend (I hope I don't piss off my other female friends by saying that...but true friends will understand). Our friendship has grown so strong, and is so beyond this planet, its like mystical Virgo spirits becoming one...some people are definitely reading this right now and thinking we're completely nuts...
The biggest first of 2010 for Mama Virgo was going on a plane. Yup. Never been on a plane until August of 2010 when me, my son and my dad went to San Diego, CA. Growing up my parents could never afford to take all 5 of us on a plane to vacation some where so we spent the majority of our summers on the Jersey Shore (damn proud, love JS). Long story short, I'd been on an e-mailing list for a photography company out in San Diego that works with FHM. They had been e-mailing me opportunities for about a year at that point and I kept ignoring most of them because I couldn't fathom a way to get myself to Cali. Then August rolls around and they e-mailed me an offer I couldn't refuse. I MADE a way. It truly was mind over matter, determination, belief in myself 100%, hard work, that got me to Cali. When I first told my parents they both shunned the idea and called it "pipe dreams"...very typical reaction that I knew was coming and was prepared for. I told them I'm going with or without their support, yada yada, the whole "I can do it" speech, but this time I meant it and believed it. And it worked. My Dad was the one who believed in me and surprised me out of nowhere one day at the pizzeria over lunch, telling me, "We're going to California. Me you and the baby."
It still wasn't easy getting to Cali from that point on, but the fact that my Dad said that, and was willing to make this happen with me, is still astounding to me and speaks volumes about what lengths he'll go. So my Dad left it up to me to plan the whole trip, book the flights, hotel, car rental, the whole 9 yards. I've never planned for anything like this in my life so I had no clue what I was doing. I did research day and night, stressed over every little detail about traveling across country with a small child and what I needed to bring to my photo shoot.
The plane ride was so much fun! So many people had warned me about how much plane rides suck so I was all prepared for a shitty plane ride...come to find out that plane rides are actually fun. The coolest part was guessing which states we were flying above while looking at a map book and finding out most of our guesses were right. My son loved that. Coming from the east coast to visit the west coast for the first time ever (My Dad's never been there either) was so mind blowing I still can't get over it. My Dad and I found a lot of the reality out there to be very...unrealistic and fantasy like. We loved it though, my son had a blast, it was his first time going on vacation and man did he get the royal treatment in Cali. We're hoping to go back to Cali this summer :)
My son started his first year of school in 2010. My Dad and I took him to a lot of new places which I'm so grateful for. As mentioned in a previous entry, I did my first runway show, got my body painted for the first time, saw the Rockette's at Radio City for the first time (why my parents never took my sisters and I to see that when we were kids...Idk?). I went to a lot of *exclusive NYC night clubs* as well with friends. I got gigs with The Set NYC. One of my oldest friends took me to Fashion Night Out and I ended up being let into an exclusive party for Vogue. I found a bunch of long lost family members without even looking. I started this whole Mama Virgo image, which is real, its who I am and what I'm about all day everyday, now I'm just trying to make it known.
Unfortunately I did lose two friends in 2010, Pete and Miles. Pete passed away in February and Miles passed in November. Those were firsts I wish didn't happen...the harshness of reality and how quickly someone can be taken from this world.
I kicked off 2011 with my cousins, my son, and Baby Virgo. It was all last minute which is always the recipe for a perfectly bad ass night. My cousin Thomas invited me over to his NYE party. Being that my son was going to be with me NYE I was happy to go to his party since we'd be surrounded by family and I'd also have my mom there to watch my son while Baby Virgo & I participated in some adult beverage related activities. The fact that Baby Virgo wanted to spend NYE with me even if it meant hanging out with my family and son on a night where most friends would definitely reject that option meant the world to me and just adds to the list of things I love about her. She really took me by surprise when she told me she wanted to come with me upstate to my cousins because she wanted us Virgo's to be together when the ball dropped *aw sentimental* It would also be our last weekend together before she left to go spend some time in Peru for the next few months. Our NYE kicked ASS. We wore yellow underwear from Victoria's Secret that said on the front *New Year* and the back *New Boys* ;) My cousins know how to throw a party so the next day was a complete Virgo relaxation day. We were lazy as fuck New Years Day and did things only Virg's would find enjoyable. The day after that, I had to bid farewell to my Baby Virg as I dropped her off at the train station so she could be on her way to Peru :( I won't see her again till April.
Till then Baby Virgo and I continue to talk daily on the internet and I'm just continuing to build my Mama Virgo empire. I'm on an endless quest to fulfill my modeling career and branch out as much as possible. So far 2011 has been good, my Dad and I have also started to make some major changes as a family. I lived in 2010, I need to keep living in 2011 and stay on the right track to welcome new experiences and believe in positivity. I have some cool opportunities that have been proposed to me recently that I'm currently working on...so 2011...Mama Virgo is ready.

An unusually uplifting Monday

Today has been such an uplifting day for a Monday that I had to blog about it immediately because I'm overjoyed. Before I get to that-I've been meaning to blog about NYE 2011 and a couple of other events but I keep getting side tracked! When I write a blog, or write in general, I go into a writers zone and don't come out for hours. I can't be distracted or interrupted so now that I got some peace and quiet to actually do so; I'm going to blog about what my Monday of January 10th 2011 has been like up until this hour. Later today or tomorrow I'll get back to what I originally have been meaning to blog about.


So I've been trying to get a day job for the longest time and the hunt has been unsuccessful. I haven't been too down about unemployment though because I have a lot of other things going in my life besides the whole unemployed single mother aspect. The other day my son and I went to the local beauty supply store (not the coolest place for a little boy to accompany his mother with) because I needed products for my hair exstensions. I LOVE the beauty supply store and loved that they had like 4 different signs stating they were hiring. I asked for a job app and couldn't wait to get home to fill it out.


After I dropped my son off at his school today, I came home and got myself *ViRGGED OUT* (aka looking beautiful and awesome) to go drop off the job app. Travolta, my Dad, was ranting about how he doesn't understand why I needed to get "ready" to drop off a job app or to leave the house in general. He continued to rant saying, "You're dressed, what else could you possibly have to do before you go out?! Why does it take you SO LONG to get ready every damn time you go out?! I-I don't know, I-don't-know-why. Jesus Christ. You take forever!!!" Travolta goes on this rant about me all the time and does so while he's in his room downstairs and I'm upstairs in Virg world. What Travolta, and other's, may not understand is, Virgo's take careful measures in their appearance and are highly detail-oriented, so if one thing is out of place with my look you best believe I will take forever to perfect it.


ANYWAY, after I was done with my Virgo tendencies and felt 100% successful with my appearance, I looked over my job app and realized I left out the personal reference section. For some strange reason I immediately thought to write down my old auto-tech teacher's name as a reference. Mr. Nelson aka Nelson. I haven't thought about Nelson or my old auto class in a long time, so the fact that I thought to write down his info was strange but happened for a reason because it led me to my amazingly happy Monday experience.
Back track to Mama Virgo's high school days: I went to 2 schools during my last 2 years of high school, my main high school and then a school called BOCES that teaches different skilled trades. I originally signed up to take cosmetology classes like most girls do when given the option to go to BOCES, but quickly realized after 2 days of being in that class that my heart wasn't in it and I transfered to auto-tech class (excellent decision). The auto-tech class was 99% male students at the time, the only other girl in the class was my long time friend Michelle, who kept telling me that I should switch to the class from the get-go (she's also a Virgo- had to add that). The appeal of being around cars, being able to take them apart and put them back together all while in the company of cute boys and one of my closest female friends was too good. I grew up around cars, my Dad's a car junkie and our house is basically like an auto shop, I love the smell of auto shops and the way guys who have been working on cars all day smell, its really comforting (TMI?).


I looked up the phone number for BOCES on Google and wrote Nelson down as a reference without hesitation. My relationship with my auto teachers (Nelson was my main teacher but my class also had Ward & S, yes we called one of our teachers S) was beyond good. After the first 10 minutes of meeting Nelson I knew I was going to have a blast in his class. I may not come off as a person who enjoyed high school or had respect for teachers, but I genuinely loved my high school experience and my teachers. I was nicer to my teachers than I was to the majority of adults in my life. I can honestly say I love the majority of teachers I had throughout my education and spent a  lot of time talking to them after class. Nelson is definitely one of my all-time FAVORITES!!
So I went to the beauty supply store to drop off the app and the timing was perfect because soon as I walked in, one of the district managers had just come to the front of the store and saw me holding the app. He called me to come to the back of the store to talk. What he had to say was positive news and hopefully all goes well with that.


Once I got back to my car I couldn't stop thinking about Nelson and how much I missed BOCES. The school wasn't far from where I was and I had time to kill before my son got home, so on a whim I drove to BOCES. The vibe was great soon as I got onto the campus. Like I used to do back in the day, I drove directly up to the auto-tech garage and ignored the rules of where one is "supposed" to park their car. I opened the door to the garage and Nelson greeted me before I could even blink an eye as to how different his garage/classroom looked. He greeted me as if I had never left and was still one of his *favorite* students (lol). I literally could not stop smiling and was so happy to talk to Nelson and see his giant bald head again (we used to joke that he looks like Mr. Clean). We caught up on a bunch of stuff and he asked me how Michelle was, I really wish she was there with me today. Reminiscing about the way our class was, the class of 2005, was awesome. Nothing but good times. I told Nelson (and Ward) that I'm now a mom and showed them my son's school photo. Showing them his photo and waiting to see their reaction gave me a feeling close to that of when I told my own father that I was naming my son after his father (my Grandpa) and waiting to then see his reaction. Nelson and Ward had big smiles on their face when they saw my son's photo and their response was filled with positivity. I feel as if I let them down as a student in the past because I didn't take their lessons seriously so explaining to them my life now and telling them about my son made me feel a little vulnerable of being judged but once I told them it was clear they passed no judgement on me and were just so excited to see me. 


Michelle and I were always looked forward to leave our school and get on the bus to go to our *other* school where we could be in a way more interesting environment and hang out with our friends from auto. Everyone in auto had to wear a mechanics jumpsuit over their clothes, and since we were the only girls in a class of 35 guys, Nelson was over-protective of us and was like a second father. He always wanted us to go in the bathroom and put our jumpsuits on instead of getting ready by the lockers where all the boys did. Sometimes we'd go to the bathroom...and other times we'd just put our jumpsuits on by the lockers with the boys ;) Nelson would get so annoyed which was always entertaining. There were so many things we did just to get a reaction out of Nelson and our other auto teachers but Nelson's reactions were by far the best. Whenever we were supposed to be working on cars with our assigned group I would end up either flirting with assigned group or moseying on over to Nelson's desk to bother him. I really loved seeing the look on his face whenever I'd approach his desk, it was a look of utter annoyance yet happy to see one of his girls wanting to talk to him. I never had anything in particular to talk about I just wanted to bullshit and say whatever came to mind that would shock or disgust Nelson--basically this is what I wanted to do with my own Dad but couldn't because I always had to censor myself around my Dad, and didn't feel like I needed to do that with Nelson. I could just be myself.


No matter what kind of day I was having at school,  going to auto class improved my mood, even if it didn't seem like it to my teachers or classmates. There were a lot of times when I'd be completely withdrawn, would not participate in class, barely say 2 words to anyone, and just sit at my desk with my head phones on drawing or writing in my notebook (other times I'd just straight up fall asleep on my desk). Sometimes Nelson or Ward would get mad at me and tell me I had no choice but to work in the garage, and other times they just let me be. Its like they knew when I was in that mood to just leave me alone and I'd come around, and I always did. Our class would rotate between having Nelson as a teacher and having Ward as a teacher. S didn't come into the picture until halfway through the first year if my memory serves correct. He was Nelson's assistant but then later got his own auto classroom so I never had him as a designated teacher but he was really cool. One time he took a bunch of us for a ride around the parking lot in a convertible car we had all finally finished re-assembling. It was a sunny day and everyone was in a good mood. The auto teachers had an attitude about them that I've never experienced with traditional teachers. Maybe they were more friendly and lenient with Michelle and I because we were the only girls. All the boys in our class had very distinct personalities and backgrounds. They were a real group of characters and so much cooler than the boys from my main high school. I still keep in touch with a few of them. The way the auto teachers treated the boys was so amusing to Michelle and I. We would literally just wait to see their reactions to some of the crazy things the boys would do and say.


Back from my trip down memory lane and to my conversation with Nelson present day, it seriously changed my mood and I haven't felt this happy or smiled this much in a very long time. Nelson and Ward both told me they would help find me a job, although I told them that's not what I came to see them for at all, they insisted on keeping me informed of job openings in the auto-field.  I've been putting off visiting my auto teachers for years now. Nelson was just as astonished as I was that it had been 6 years since he last saw me and couldn't believe how much time had gone by since 2005. 6 years is a long time to put off seeing people you admire and care for so much. Admire is the best word to describe my feelings towards Nelson, Ward and S. They created an unforgettable classroom experience that I'll always be grateful for even though I  wasn't a model student. Grades didn't really matter to me in high school, I was your typical rebellious I-don't-give-a-fuck teenager. I did however always look forward to seeing my favorite teachers, and it always brightened my mood to talk to them. The events leading up to making the decision to visit Nelson and the BOCES gang today happened for a reason. It just goes to show Monday's don't always have to suck and making positive decisions that may seem small at the time will go a long way and bring happiness.


Sadly I have no pictures to accompany this entry with :( the digital camera craze was not in effect when I was in high school. The disposable camera trend was still big and I did take pictures with a disposable camera one day during auto class but unfortunately the pictures from that day came out so blurry and dark that only I can tell who is who in the pictures. I'm still really bummed about that but whatever memories last a lifetime as corny as it sounds. I'll be going back to visit Nelson, Ward and S more often now. I have no excuse the school is literally 4 minutes away from my house. I feel bad I didn't have time to see S, I had to rush back home to get my son off the school bus. The physical appearance in the garages changed a lot but my teachers didn't and the mutual happiness of seeing one another after all this time is enough to last me, the usually melancholy Mama Virgo, a good month or two (hopefully). I've also been wanting to visit my other  high school teachers for a few months now, last time I went was 2008 when my younger sister was graduating, so enough with the putting-off-seeing people habit! I'm going to visit all my old teachers that I care about and continue to learn from them. There really is no time like the present...ok I'm done with the positive sayings for now...ending my happy Monday blog entry with a smile :)