Weekdays & Writers Block

Hans Christian Andersen, famous author who suffered from depression but wrote great fairy tales, 4/9/1805-8/4/1875

I can't write about things I don't want to write about. I can't write when I'm tired. I can't write when I have anxiety about writing. I will not write when I'm extremely depressed, but I will write when I'm depressed. I especially will not write when I have too many topics I want to write about and can't decide on which one to start first because there's too many aspects of inspiration and I can't narrow them all down, for example, this past month and the last half of February I've had plenty of things I wanted to blog about but didn't all because of the reasons I just listed. Five minutes ago I read through one of my drafts for a blog entry I can't WAIT to write about...but because its a weekday, I'm tired as FUCK, anxious, extremely depressed and have other entries waiting to be finished...I can't finish that one awesome draft. All I can do and want to do is write about writing and how I can't write...hence why I'm writing so much right now because I feel so deeply about this topic that its causing me anxiety so now I have to write about it. This blog entry will probably make you question stuff or just really confused. I can't imagine anyone understanding this unless you're also a Virgo who suffers from always being tired, writing like a mad [wo]man, and goes through "black moods" quite often.

Weekdays really blow. I don't have a day job and hate daytime hours AND its cold out! Its the shitty month of March which only leads to the lousy month of April thus equaling a long wait till the pretty month of May (my son's birthday is in May :-). I get my best ideas and inspiration for writing at night; specifically when I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep. This keeps me awake. I don't get out of bed to write and get everything out of my head...because one would think that would help me sleep...but no, if I do that then I'll go in to a state of hyper-writing (not sure if that's an actual term but I'll use it) and write for hours on end in to the dawn thus feeling even more tired the next day. Then once I'm finally asleep I have the craziest, sickest, most life-like dreams ever and when I wake up I want to write about them but can't because I have to get my nocturnal ass up and get my son ready for school. By the time I can sit down and write about them, I usually don't want to write anymore. Sometimes I'll briefly jot down what happened in my dream and then go back to it with a better picture of what happened. I recently had one of the coolest dreams ever and it was by far one of my absolute favorites. I wrote about it and I plan on turning it in to a story; that'll take forever to finish because like I said I can only write when the mood strikes and sometimes weeks even months can go by where I can't write. When I do finish that story though, its gonna be really good.

This entry just subjected you to what is known as "free writing." I just kept typing every single thought that came to mind without stopping or rephrasing anything (only thing I added afterwards is the picture of Hans Christian Andersen). Maybe now that I got this out of my system I can get back my inspiration and will to finish the drafts and start new entries that are waiting to be written and read.

Random statement: I changed my blog background from one of my portfolio photos to a plain white rose because I'm kinda like on the fence about how I feel in regards to posting  my face on every type of social networking site...on one hand I feel like it attracts more readers and gives them a better connection/visual as to who I am...and on the other hand I'm thinking to myself: who the fuck wants to see my picture plastered all over this blog every time they read my stuff? I'm also weirded out by my own modeling pictures; its unreal to me and creepy, like Ripley's, believe it or not. I can't find a satisfying background image for the Google blogger so I chose the plain rose for now. I tried to find cool Virgo backgrounds via Google search engine but there was nothing everything was really tacky ::wishing I was a graphic designer::

To all my fellow Virgo's out there who are also going through black moods and feeling very melancholy: don't worry, because I will.